Pink Stinks!

Internet killjoys are trying to ban the Rose-coloured Starling. Highjacking a birders nickname, Pink Stink, the concerned mum’s Abi and Emma Titwank feel that Rose-coloured Starling with their pretty pink and black plumage present a negative gender stereotype to young female birders and have started an internet campaign pinkstinks. They have also been appearing on television and radio including a slot on the prestigious, serious news progamme, BBC Breakfast.

Concerns were first raised when more and more of these stunning Starlings started flooding in from Eastern Europe and Romania; in particular when the Iron Curtain run by sinister agency, the BBRC, dropped it from a list whereby keen rarity hunters had to provide each bird with written documentation. Migration Watch a right-wing pressure group warned at the time that Britain would be flooded with migrants looking for Leatherjackets once restrictions were lifted.

Romanian Foreign Minister, Sturnus Roseus, said that following the loosening of restrictions it was only realistic that Rose-coloured Starlings – known for nesting in large colonies – started to look for opportunities in the West. Liberal Lefties at the BOU had also tried to ease the passage of birds and reduce racial and gender tensions by renaming the birds, Rosy Starling; a move opposed by Migration Watch as ‘cynical’.

A spokesperson for campaign group pinkstinks, Emma Titwank, feels that we need a radical look at plumage policy. She felt that by targeting girls with the  Rose-coloured  Starling the BBRC were playing into the hands of large corporations who’s sole aim was to get more money out of birders and who saw young girls with wealthy Middle Class parents as fair game. ‘It’s no coincidence’ she said ‘that a large binocular manufacturer is targeting existing customers with offers of half price, high cost monoculars if you buy a pair of even more expensive new binoculars. You can’t walk through Titchwell these days without young girls being bombarded with adverts for new bins… it’s shameful.’

Meanwhile trading standards officers are also concerned about a glut of cheap first-winter Rose-coloured Starlings flooding the markets every autumn in the run up to Christmas. Indeed Oxfordshire Trading Standards are so concerned about a first-winter Rose-coloured Starling in the small village of Forest Hill that they are warning people to be aware of this very dull, mousey brown bird, via a strong internet campaign and via rare bird pager services. Spokesman Sturnus Vulgaris said ‘people should be prepared for no amount of disappointment this Christmas if they come to see this bird.’

Migration Watch is also concerned about this seasonal influx, Sturnus Sturninus feels that our aboriginal and indigenous Starlings are feeling the pinch. Numbers are down 66% since the mid 1970s and Mr Sturninus is worried. ‘Whole towns and cities just don’t know what it’s like to witness Starling roosts’ he said. ‘There are a generation of children who will never hear the whoosh of the wings or revel in the arial ballet’ he complained ‘not forgetting the magic of being covered in shit.’

Experts are divided over what to do about the problem. Sturnus Roseus, feels that we should welcome in the Rose-coloured Starling and feels that rather than continue to whip up fears of gender sterotyping we should encourage young boys to think pink!


2 responses to “Pink Stinks!

  1. Having never watched BBC Breakfast, I’ve only just realised what the fuck you’re on about here, after seeing an article about it in the Grauniad today.

    I thought you’d made it all up!

  2. thedrunkbirder

    Would I ever make anything up? Not even a Merlin!

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