Bill Bailey’s Fieldcraft

Up early this morning and off down to Shawell more in hope than expectation of seeing the Ring-billed Gull that was co-found by the Tea Boy. Plenty of larophobes and others who have to work for a living (sorry Dave and Neil – I know you work) drifted through. Skev was first to show – and first to sensibly bugger off home – followed by Carl Baggott, Tea Boy and Bob Duckhouse.

When I first arrived a nice adult Caspian Gull dropped onto the balancing pool with a few other ‘big’ gulls. Everything soon buggered off and strangely then nothing seemed to settle – a lot of birds favouring a smaller pool further south. We soon discovered why as two birders had taken the footpath that runs alongside the pool and, employing the kind of fieldcraft they’d picked up from Bill Bailey’s Birdwatching Bonanza, walked up the bund walls and were stood out in full view. A message via RBA or boredom finally drove them off and a few gulls started to settle. Despite people checking all the pools and the tip the Ring-billed Gull wasn’t seen by the time I gave up at 11.30.

This leaves me still needing R-b Gull for my County list having been to casual about the Rutland Water bird a few years ago.


3 responses to “Bill Bailey’s Fieldcraft

  1. Fair chance this RB will be seen again….[i guess it’s ‘tip’ activity dependent maybe/probably/definitely]? always know when it’s gonna be a bad birding session when you arrive ‘on site’ and there’s some dumbfucks strolling around…

    I think we ought to develop some sort of high tech gizmo’s that prevent such occurrences…[i have two suggestions off the top o me head]…

    [1] A whistle [similar to a silent dog whistle]….but one that only cunts can hear…[then…once the flushing cunt returns from his flushing position you can stick a lead on him]…and maybe even give him a biscuit…or better still, stick a tripod in his gob to chew on…

    [2] A twat-seeking missile that completely destroys the twattish target…[particularly useful at luring in gulls or vultures as the resulting pile of exploding body-parts instantly attracts such species]… may even get a ring billed come in….

  2. After yesterday afternoon, 2hrs was all I was going to give this bastard gull anyway. When me & Dave checked the tip it was clear why nothing was on the pools – masses of gulls on the tip but more importantly a big gathering on a flat bit of land with a big flood-pool just to the north. At least one Caspian in that lot before the gulls all upped and fucked off in four or five big groups in different directions – I took that as the right time to feck off.
    Beast, I can see the main flaw in the development of your proposed Cunt Whistle – you would need a willing self-certified cunt to be the product tester and I guess they would be too busy being cunts to assist. The TSM seems more plausible, given that you can test it without the necessary assistance of the target twat.

  3. Skev….i agree that the development of ‘anti-twat’ technology will not be without it’s setbacks. However, i do think that we are at the stage where something needs to be done when considering the general demise of the birding scene….
    Fortunately, there is an endless supply of twattish cunts available, willing or otherwise, to test out such devices…[devices which are, currently, under development in my secret evil underground laboratory].

    At present i am trying to create a genetically altered trap-door spider, [grown to about the size of a cow], that feeds specifically on twats.
    When i have finished perfecting the ultimate ‘twat-removal’ spider i shall, under the cover of darkness, place them at Eye brook Res and other such localities where i think they will be of most benefit…

    ps….owing to the visual nausea i experienced yesterday whilst out birding…i am now modifying my TSM’s…[twat-seeking missiles]…to take into account what any twat is wearing. These missiles will now prioritize anyone wearing Johnny Kingdom stylee camouflage clothing….[and perhaps, just for JH…i can adjust the missiles to seek out certain visually offensive fleeces too]…chuckle…

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