Red-legged Kittiwake over Rutland Water

Birdspotters in Rutland were raising a toast to comedian Bob Mills yesterday as he spotted a Red-legged Kittiwake from Wader Scrape hide on the Lyndon Reserve at Rutland Water. ‘I’m not much of a birder,’ said the Fighting Talk funny-man, Mills, ‘but I’d taken my family for a day out watching ‘Fish Rats’ at Rutty. Anyway I saw this lovely gull and said to the missus – “get on this love, I think I’ve got a Kittiwake”.’

Leyton Orient fan Mills quickly got out his camera knowing that he’d probably get a photo on the LROS website. ‘Getting a photo on the LROS website would be better than beating Henning Wehn in a fighting talk final’ said Mills ‘or even the Lofty fella off Eastenders.’

It wasn’t until Mills reviewed the images that he realised the bird had bright red legs. ‘I thought it was just an abberant Kittiwake at first but then I remembered that Rutland has had a run of “red” birds recently. Me and the wife quickly put two and two together to make five and Bob’s yer uncle, we put the news out.’

Birdspotters were quick to flock to the reserve but local Michael Bellydancer was not convinced. ‘I’ve been here hours’ he said ‘and only seen an immature Black-head.’

Mills sticks by his story.’It’s bleedin’ obviously a Red-legged and any twat wot says different will get fucked over.’ I’ll be submitting this image to World Birding magazine and putting in a report to the British Birders’ Association.

It is thought that the bird – normally resident in the Pacific Ocean – has been blown over as a result of failed Labour policies on immigration. Tory immigration spokesman, Rupert Algenon Cuntish-Smyth, said ‘under a Tory Government’s, Australian style points system – similar to Labour’s, the Kittiwake would have to return to Alaska unless it could prove that a British, Black-legged Kittiwake could not do a job that the Red-legged was qualified for.’ Liberal politician, Septic Tank felt that, ‘A Kittiwake amnesty was the only sensible solution.’ He also urged tolerance towards Kittiwakes coming in from the Pacific Ocean as ‘we’ve always had a special relationship with America.’

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