The Drunkbirder can today exclusively reveal that illegal hunting of Dragonflies in Malta has stopped the expansion of the Vagrant Hawker Anax ephippiger into Europe.
Large numbers of these impressive aerial hunters have been seen moving out of North Africa due to ideal breeding conditions combined with political instability in Egypt, Tunisia and Libya. A spokesman for the Emperors said that it wasn’t safe in North Africa and they saw the EU and their wildlife directives as offering a safer environment ad freedom from religious persecution. The mainly Christian Dragonflies fear a rise in fundamentalist groups in war torn North African countries as hard-line Dictators fall.
Malta was seen as a suitable country as it lies close to the North African coast, is predominately Christian and is suitably bloody devastated by gun-totting mentalists anyway. The spokesman who did not wish to be named for fear of reprisals told of the horrors they were to experience in Malta, ‘A few of us followed a large flock of Marsh Harrier thinking that they would know some good wetlands, as we arrived shells were already exploding around our ears… the women were terrified’ he said.’Some of the males had to grab females very roughly around the neck and half drown them to quieten them down, it was horrible.’
‘Once darkness fell we thought we’d be safe but the hunters just kept coming with trucks and lamps, the slaughter was indiscriminate.’
The few lucky survivors the next day decided to head to Britain where they were certain of safety. ‘Ok, so maybe there is the risk of being netted and pinned by some old duffer for the “British Museum” but we couldn’t live in Malta’ said Kevin a prominent member of the Vagrant Emperor community. ‘We decided to settle in Kent, not near Margate where hostility to immigrants has been strong, but at Dungeness… So the threat of nuclear meltdown is high should there be a Tsunami or just a poor levels of safety and inspection by the Nuclear Safety Regulator, but hey, at least we can bring up our kids here.’
Birders and Dragonfly enthusiasts have been encouraged to protest strongly about Malta’s failure to tackle illegal hunting and The Drunkbirder asks you to boycott Sheffield United Football Club for being a. rubbish and b. sponsored by Air Malta – relegation isn’t punishment enough!