Anxious Mother Faces Eviction After Son Caught Twitching

by a Drunkbirder reporter

A mother faces eviction tonight after her son was found guilty of twitching in Hartlepool in June. Tina Bellend (47) a single mother of 15 is likely to lose her home after her son Tim Bellend was filmed stealing a look at a White-throated Robin in Hartlepool.

Tina Bellend

Tina who does not wish to be named spoke to The Drunkbirder today. To protect her identity her voice has been disguised. ‘I’m at my wits end’ she said ‘Eton Borough Council have served me with an eviction notice.’ Tina went on to explain that her son, a manic twitcher suffers from a mental illness and that the whole family were being punished for his crime. ‘I just don’t know what we’ll do’ said the mother of three ‘we haven’t got a pot to piss in.’ Miss Bellend has five other children all under the age of 16. ‘Why should my 12 other kids suffer?’ she said.

The leader of the Conservative run council, Gervaise Brook-Hamster, said ‘the rules of her tenancy were quite clear about her responsibilities.’

Gervaise Brook-Hamster

Mr Brook-Hamster felt that losing her home was enough of a punishment, ‘we could have had her tied to a railway line’ he said.

Nigel Incubator-Jones, Lib Dem opposition leader at Eton Borough Council felt the eviction was counterproductive. ‘The council will end up footing the bill for Miss Bellend to be placed in temporary accomodation such as a shoe. All this will end up being passed on to the Tax-payers.’

Tim Bellend was unavailable to comment as he was seawatching in Ireland, The Drunkbirder understands. The leader of the British Birdspotters Club who did not wish to be named, said he had a datebase containing evidence that Hartlepool was not the first time Tim had been involved in twitching. ‘He’s been for loads of birds and I’ve personally verified this by phoning him at twitches. Tim’s seen lots of birds but once I heard he’d been caught I had to remove him from the 2011 year-listing rankings and question all his sightings.’

It is thought that Tim was caught after his year-list total was posted on Bobu and his sister Tanesha-marie Chlamydia Bellend saw him up a ladder on the news. ‘I knew something was wrong’ she told our reporter ‘as he were due to sign-on that day and then he had a job shifting some hooky TVs for Del Trotter, innit?’


One response to “Anxious Mother Faces Eviction After Son Caught Twitching

  1. Looking at that picture, she’s not 47, she’s 27 (but probably still has 15 kids). Even Shetland women don’t look like… hang on… fuck… I’ll get me coat…

    And now back to topless darts at Roehampton

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