In a shock news release Songbird Survival is reporting that a rare White-tailed Eagle has snatched a vicar from the RSPB reserve at Abernethy Forest and taken it to feed it’s young. The Very Right Very Reverend Hunter S Thompson Farquar Farquarson, an uptight Presbyterian Minister was reported as being snatched by Beatrice his pet Toulouse Goose around 9am yesterday. Beatrice said ‘I’d just waddled out from the stables and saw the eagle mantling the Vicar. It then chased me off before returning to the Vicar and dispatching him with one if it’s talons.’
Beatrice, who is no relation to The Spruce Goose was understandably shocked and rang Songbird Survival. ‘I didn’t know who to contact’ she said ‘but then I’d heard of Songbird Survival and knew they hated birds of prey.’
Jeremy Clarkson, a shit thick TV presenter said ‘It’s well known that these Eagles are being reintroduced and the science behind it is flawed. It’s a known fact that these birds regularly take babies from prams and terrorise whole villages.’ Mr Clarkson put down his bowl of Ortolan Buntings and produced photographic evidence of an Eagle taking a child. ‘The camera never lies’ he said.
The RSPB was not available to comment but an insider told us that ‘this is all a load of wank.’