Rare Eagle Snatches Clergyman

In a shock news release Songbird Survival is reporting that a rare White-tailed Eagle has snatched a vicar from the RSPB reserve at Abernethy Forest and taken it to feed it’s young. The Very Right Very Reverend Hunter S Thompson Farquar Farquarson, an uptight Presbyterian Minister was reported as being snatched by Beatrice his pet Toulouse Goose around 9am yesterday. Beatrice said ‘I’d just waddled out from the stables and saw the eagle mantling the Vicar. It then chased me off before returning to the Vicar and dispatching him with one if it’s talons.’

Beatrice the Toulouse Goose

Beatrice, who is no relation to The Spruce Goose was understandably shocked and rang Songbird Survival. ‘I didn’t know who to contact’ she said ‘but then I’d heard of Songbird Survival and knew they hated birds of prey.’

Jeremy Clarkson, a shit thick TV presenter said ‘It’s well known that these Eagles are being reintroduced and the science behind it is flawed. It’s a known fact that these birds regularly take babies from prams and terrorise whole villages.’ Mr Clarkson put down his bowl of Ortolan Buntings and produced photographic evidence of an Eagle taking a child. ‘The camera never lies’ he said.

White-tailed Eagle

The RSPB was not available to comment but an insider told us that ‘this is all a load of wank.’


One response to “Rare Eagle Snatches Clergyman

  1. I believe it all, this is a well known phenonemum, ( hope i’ve spelt it right ? should fit in ok here though!). The Songbird Survival, or is that Revival Team are exceptionally well versed in this type of behaviour from all sorts of Raptorial birds of prey. Many an enlightening article on this subject has been published by them in all sorts of obscure newspapers and magazines, it’s usually written in the easy to understand from a laymans point of view, although the more knowledgeable ornithological people might find it difficult to come to terms with. They have some serious backing from members of the gamekeeping and pigeon fancying fraternities, each making some quite remarkable claims regarding the exploits of our rarest birds of prey and the tricks they get up to in order to kill the poor grouse and pigeons. They have come to the conclusion that a lot of these birds are just pure rogues and not at all reacting the way that more normal birds of prey should react, after all, it’s not on when they can’t even have a few thousand grouse on the moor or release a flock of pigeons from a loft without these rogue birds killing and eating them for food. They have decided in their wisdom that the only way is to kull them, after all, who needs them anyway !!!


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